She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
