i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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