If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
