my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Boobs speak an international language.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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