You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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