I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
