i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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