Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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