Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
