i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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