I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
