nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
