Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
