watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
