his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
