I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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