everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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