You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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