For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
