if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
