drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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