Even the bartender felt bad for me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
