if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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