So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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