Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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