worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
