do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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