Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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