READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
