Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
