Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
