We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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