Moan for me like Helen Keller
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
