Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
