are you still at the devil's house?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
