There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
