you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
