it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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