yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
