What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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