By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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