her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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