Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
