worst night to have a conscience
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
