He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
