I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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