i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
