you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
