Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
