Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
