mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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