He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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