its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
