So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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